The First Date. Who Pays for What?

She should politely offer, but he should say no thank you. – Courtesy photo

By Hedda Muskat

“In my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what you have, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” From the film “Juno” played by J.K. Simmons.

Before you can even get to the point in a relationship of being in love and finding that right person, you need to get past the first date. However, the boundaries have changed so much since the “me too” movement and men are terrified. Men are equating respecting a woman who isn’t interested in him or when she says “no”, to treating her as his equal on a date. It’s understandable why this can be so confusing as the media and the feminists have crossed lines about comparing being sexually abused to being romanced. So what’s a man to do?

When it comes to old school chivalry on the first date, the man pays. She should politely offer, but he should say no thank you. End of story. No need to get into any banter about what if she orders the most expensive thing on the menu, or what if she won’t let me have sex with her after, or what if she’s a mean horrible person? Doesn’t matter. The man pays. If he’s on a tight budget he can take her for coffee to start and then a modestly priced bistro later. That’s why most meet up at places less costly on a first date because for many guys out would go broke if they had to spend hundreds of dollars a week on wasted dates. There is no room for advocacy when it comes to this issue, but there are enough coffee shops out there to spend $5.00 wisely to see if you are even interested in anything further.

Are you ready for your first date?

Hedda Muskat is the author of The Dating Mystique based on her days as a writer on the TV Show “Love Connection”.

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