Funners

By Dorothy Denne

I forewarned you last week that the column would not be a make-us-laugh column. I will try to make up for it this week with some funners I received in a forward. Meanwhile, I hope some of you did make a donation or did some inquiry into 600 Million. It is a small group doing a big job.

Here are the fun “personal” thoughts. My favorite is the 2016 goal.

– My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

– Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

– How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some meat.

– I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

– I do not mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet in three hours and 20 minutes.

– A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

– Kids today do not know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

– Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

– Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

– I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this.

– I love being over 65. I learn at least one new thing every day … and forget five others.

– A thief broke into my house last night … he started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

– My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like, “I know! Right?”

– I think I will just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

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