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View Winners → A Wee Bit of Laughter
Monrovia Weekly Mar 15, 2016
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By Dorothy Denne
Since on March 17 everyone is either Irish or pretends to be, I will resurrect some of me Irish jokes so ye can enjoy a wee bit of laughter:
– Murphy:
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down the back of his leg. “Please, Lord,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
– Paddy:
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and could not find a parking space. Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!” Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”
– Father Murphy:
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand there against the wall.”
Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “No I don’t, Father.”
The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
– Gallagher:
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
“Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!”
“Yes, I saw it,” replied Finney. “Where are ye callin’ from?”
– Lost at Sea:
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick and Michael, a genie did come forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving it much thought, Patrick blurted out, “turn the entire ocean into Guinness beer.”
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness. Patrick smiled contentedly. Michael glared at him disgustedly.
After a long, tension filled moment he spoke. “Nice going Patrick. Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
