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View Winners → Domestic Violence: The Exit Plan
Arcadia Weekly Oct 29, 2015
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By Don Schweitzer
As our society becomes more condemning of domestic violence, perpetrators of these crimes are paying greater consequences. During my days as a police officer in the 80s, when I would get a call to a domestic violence scene, I was trained to ask the perpetrator to cool off at a friend’s house or spend the night in a hotel. Flash forward 30 years later, and I can tell you from experience as a family law practitioner that the penalties for domestic violence these days amount to much greater than a one-night cooling off period, from loss of child custody rights to termination of your job.
The common thread between the domestic violence perpetrators and their victims involve power, control, alienation and fear. What’s staggering is many of the victims do not know how or when to get out. Trying to decipher what to do and where to go can be overwhelming. My advice is to create an exit plan.
The first step is to ensure your safety. Go to your Superior Court and ask for a Temporary Restraining Order against your spouse. If you rely on your spouse for income, you can request for an expedited court order for spousal and child support, as well as attorney fees.
Next, make arrangements for where you are going to stay before telling your spouse you are leaving, and leave any important documents, medication, clothing and personal items there. You will also want to take steps to ensure the safety of your children. Contact a local service such as Grace Center for advice on what to teach your children about their safety, and alert child care providers and schools about the abuser.
During this time you’ll also want to preserve any and all evidence, including photos of bodily injuries, physical damage to property, saved emails, voicemail and text messages, police reports and witness statements.
If you’re employed you can safely open new accounts and have mail redirected without your spouse’s knowledge through programs such as Safe at Home, which provides a free P.O. Box and maintains your confidentiality. When it’s time to tell your spouse you are leaving, bring someone with you so you can get out as soon as possible.
If you haven’t already, contact a family lawyer who will guide you through the process. You can also contact the Los Angeles Bar Association’s Domestic Violence Project for free legal assistance.
More than 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence.* The bottom line is it’s never too late to get out. Map out your resources and create an exit plan.
Pasadena/Los Angeles Resources:
Safe at Home http://www.sos.ca.gov/safeathome/
Grace Center: http://www.grace-center.org/
Los Angeles County Bar Association’s Domestic Violence Project http://www.lacba.org/showpage.cfm?pageid=3896
Our Family Wizard: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/
L.A. County District Attorney/Southern California Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 978-3600
*CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey
http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Executive_Summary-a.pdf
Donald P. Schweitzer is founder and partner of The Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer, based in Pasadena, Calif. He is a certified family law specialist with more than 20 years of trial experience. He has made numerous media appearances as a legal analyst and is available as an expert legal analyst or guest writer for topics related to family law (divorce, child custody, domestic violence, etc.).
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