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Arcadia Weekly Nov 13, 2014
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Dorothy Denne
Time for a few more chuckles courtesy of those FWD e-mails. Hope you haven’t read them already in your inbox. If you have, I’ll bet you will chuckle again.
These are classified ads which were reportedly placed in U.K. newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 neighbor’s sneaky dog.
FREE PUPPIES
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
WASHER 7 DRYER FOR SALE
Joining nudist colony
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
AND
We can always count on the kids. They are quick:
TEACHER:Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
******
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
******
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile’?”
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong.
GLENN: May be, but you asked me how I spell it.
******
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
******
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
******
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie. Always say I am…
MILLIE: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
******
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
******
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me honestly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir. I don’t have to, my Mum’s a good cook.
******
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No sir. It’s the same dog.
****** Finally, (Dorothy here) being a retired teacher, this one hit home:
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
Amen, folks.
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