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View Winners → Less Than Serious
Arcadia Weekly Oct 23, 2014
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Dorothy Denne
A couple of you have told me that I’ve been a little too serious lately. Well okay, let’s see if we can lighten up a bit with these gems from an old e-mail in my file:
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age it doesn’t matter anymore….If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
Also, now that I’m older I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being forgetful.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser.
7. Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
9. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
And finally:
16. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m ‘here after’.
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